Dora picked up Jamal’s picture and smoothed her fingers across his bearded jaw. She had countlessly tucked their memories under her pillow at night and waited anxiously for him in her dreams but he wouldn’t show up. Even when the nights stood still whenever she thought of him, she still wouldn’t find a sweet sleep. She often wondered why he unbarred the door to her heart and disappeared, even birds that fly all over the sky would return to their nests. After painting his heart in her chest, he became a memory and got lost in the lanes of her dreams. She always hoped someday, she would find him by her side for it would take her years to get up and make up her mind that he would never be hers.
“Bye”, that simple three letter, and one sad difficult word. A tailor that stitches a happy heart with a thread of sadness. Dora wished she hadn’t heard the word from Jamal, after all, there could never be a waste of love, but he said, “I can love and un-love, I decide to make”. Her eyes were covered with clouds and she waited for the moon to roll over her tears
It was a Saturday evening, on the 14th of February, Valentine’s Day. Dora received a text on her phone after work, “Meet me along the hillside”. It was a message from Jamal, she had long expected it since it was Valentine’s Day. Tired though, she smiled faintly at the sight of the message, she walked into her bathroom and had a cool evening bath. A light twilight breeze kissed her skin through the windows as she got out of the bathroom, She looked around and her glance alighted on her tight skimpy lime-green gown. She clad herself in silence as she squeezed herself in the dress, Of course, it was a great discomfort, but who cared? After all, Jamal loved it that way. Her eyes brimmed with happiness as she doused herself with an expensive perfume she got from Jamal, She applied some dark-red lipstick and made her lips contrast funnily, and she wore some gold bracelets.
She glanced at herself in the dressing mirror and tried to draw down her skimpy gown which wouldn’t even budge an inch, with a satisfied look on her face, she took a deep breath and walked out of her room like a model. “Thanks”, an elegant smile formed on her lips as she took the roses from the florists. She knew better than anyone that Jamal would always be impressed at the sight of flowers. Even though Jamal hadn’t been committed these days, she would do everything to make him happy. They barely hung out and they always made a fuss over it, the last time, they had a heated argument and yelled embarrassing insults at each other. For Jamal to have texted her on a day like this, was one of his ways of apologizing and making things up between them.
Jamal, a handsome tall guy stood backing the route that led to the hillside with his arms crossed over his broad chest, he looked beamless and pale, unlike the other days when he had eagerly waited for Dora. It was getting dark, and Dora climbed the hills in full gladness with the roses Jamal loved in her hands. “Hey babe”, she said and raised her arms, making advances to hug him but he moved away. “Are you okay?” She asked with a worried look and Jamal remained silent.
Jamal, after giving Dora some serious look for a few minutes later voiced out. It seemed like a painted picture in Dora’s head but she heard it all. “Think no more of me and forget not to let all we’ve shared pass like smoke”. Those words drove her crazy and made her heart rout. Her soul instantly got imbued with emptiness as she knew him no more. “What do you mean babe?” Her lips quivered. She was sure she understood the ancestral love but she wasn’t sure she knew the awful mysteries behind it, besides, Jamal was no stranger to her and she knew him like the lines on her palms. “Let’s break up, I can’t do this anymore”, Jamal said and bit his pink lips in his usual manner. Dora smiled and pretended not to have heard what he just said, she took a few steps towards him and he took some more steps backwards, now it was obvious he was not only avoiding body contact, he was avoiding eye connections.
“Come on, stop being silly, you can’t be serious, right?” Dora said and managed to stretch forward the roses to him but he rejected them, then she knew something was wrong, something? No, everything was wrong, right from the night they got into an argument till this very moment, the binding ties had become thinner than a strand of hair. Dora could have apologized that night but her ego wouldn’t even allow her. Why on earth would they even make a fuss over a little thing- not hanging out frequently? How did they get here? Dora wondered as she heard Jamal say his last word to her ‘Bye’. She wished she had given him all of her and had enough of him but they were both busy with their work life and together, they marred their love life.
Dora wanted to hold him tight but he was gone, that night, she saw the pains in his heart as he walked away and she wished he could see the tears in her eyes too as she watched him, maybe. Maybe they could make things work back. But It was now over, she removed her shoes and dropped the roses in her hands, replacing them with her shoes, tears rolling out of her eyes and messing with her pancaked face. She walked home barefooted and devastated. She sent him a thousand “sorry” that night, but got no replies and more tears welled out of her eyes.
She placed his picture on her chest, it’d been a month and it still felt like yesterday for the wound was still fresh and raw. She wished she had grasped him and held him tight but it was late, She wanted to reach his heart now but he seemed so far, that he would never look back again.
