I tried combing my hair with fears gnawing at me and as expected, they came out in clumps again. With my hands dropped down, I looked at myself in the mirror as I stood lost in hope. I choked up and became all emotional. It was my shave day after chemo treatments. Hands down, I already knew this was going to be the worst and most emotional day of my life.
My cancer story began with a grim diagnosis from the doctor some days earlier on August 10, my birthday and I had been trying to prepare for this moment since that time. In reality, it had started much earlier than that and, despite increasingly obvious signs and symptoms, I just hadn’t noticed it yet. And one thing was certain, nothing could ever prepare me emotionally for this shave day. Nothing.
As the day got closer and my hair started to fall out, I had no intention of making the day at least a little better than just doing a quick shave. I told my friend not to bother coming around because it was just an ordinary shave and it wouldn’t have taken so long
I always thought life was very simple and there were no complications. Just eat, play your favourite sport and go to your bed, this is what life is. I was living in illusion. I never knew about the miracles and tragedies that can happen in life within seconds until the day I faced the worst part of my life. I was living the best part of my life. It was the time to face the worst
I knew it was getting close. I was trying too hard to keep my hair in until that day and didn’t wash it or touch it at all for fear it would come out in clump but my plan didn’t work. I woke up Thursday morning and was horrified to see that my hair was almost completely gone at my temples. I was tempted to comb it for the last time and I did. Looking at the clump of my hair that fell out, I felt awful and didn’t even want the nurses to see me like this. So, I put on a scarf that a friend had sent in a care package. My parents came to visit that morning like always and my mom asked if I was practicing with the scarf. I completely broke down and showed them my head. I already told the girls not to come until around, so I had to somehow make it through the day with bald spots.
I texted my cancer survivor friend throughout the day and she shared her shave day story with me. It helped to connect with someone who understood. But I still cried all day.
Finally, the time arrived. Unexpectedly my friends showed up and I broke down all over again. But they did their best to make it a fun atmosphere. So, my mum already asked my cousin and friend to come in. My cousin would photograph it and a friend would give me a makeover, shave and then trim my new wigs that she had ordered online.
My friend did my makeup as planned and then it was time for the shave. I was doing pretty well at the beginning. I remember thinking that I might make it through without crying but no. The tears started slowly and when Kelvin showed up, I completely broke down. When that happened, my cousin put down her camera, sat in front of me, and held my hands as we just looked at each other.
“Vic, I will not give up on you as long as you do not give up on yourself.”, Kelvin strolled up to me and held my hands. I never wanted him to see me in this state. I feared he would be broken, far broken to be able to pick himself up. I needed him to move on quickly and forget about me. After all, I might not survive this as I’ve been given very small odds for survival and told to prepare for the worst
More tears gushed out of my eyes as I watched him stretch forth my favourite flower to me. This day was not only the most emotional day but one of the most touching moments of my life that I will cherish forever. Now, this was my new life as a bald cancer patient. I still had months ahead of going through cancer treatments and this just made everything a little bit worse, but the presence of my family, friends and Kelvin are there to make it a little relieving.
