Some Wounds Never Heal

Some wounds never heal, we just get used to them. We just learn to live with them and they matter less, but they’re there. It was a huge sadness that I had to overcome. It hurts. It hurts like I’m dying thousands of times every time I think about the day when I have to stop talking to him and live a life without him around.
“Don’t give me mixed signals, if you want us to stay friends, don’t act like that”, I said slowly but he moved forward and kept me shut_ with a prolonged kiss. I should have pushed him away, I should have stopped him but I enjoyed it too and I couldn’t resist him. I loved the way his scent filled my nostrils and I’d die a thousand times to exchange breath with him again. He finally pulled away and looked straight into my eyes, “when next do I get to see you?” He patted my back softly. “You are confusing me, st..op it”, I managed to wriggle off his pat and stood facing him.
“Baby, what do you want?” He asked with his usual assuring countenance. Tongue-tied, I stood like a fool for minutes. “I don’t… I don’t know”, I stuttered. “Is this what friends do?” I frowned. “But we are as cool as friends dear”, he purred, his voice full of flirt.
“So tell me why you say you wanted to be friends but then go and pull shit that makes me feel like you want to be more than friends? Isn’t this meant to be platonic?” I skirted a glance at him, wanting to flare up but my voice won’t stop contradicting my words. He traced a fingertip across my cheek and I stood vibrating. What has he done to me? “Don’t touch me again, please”, I moved a step away from him yet he leaned forward and I blinked repeatedly. “Okay, I’ll do as you say”, he licked his lips in his usual manner and giggled, he picked my hand and fumbled with my fingers.
“You know I love you, right?” I kept my head down, staring at his toes and no words came from me. Of course, I’ve always known he loves me and I love him too, more than he’d ever imagined but we both knew we would never have each other. No! It’s not going to work out. “I want to go”, I hurried out of his room.
Over time, I realized that we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it. We don’t always get to choose the ones we love and learning the truth, twisted in my heart like a knife. No matter how hard I tried to keep things simple, easy and platonic, something always went crazy_ the fire in our kisses, the passion in his voice, everything about him! And my stupid heart too, was always meddling with my mind.
Days passed and night followed, our intimacy escalated, and his thoughts filled my head every second. I guess the feeling at my end was much stronger. With scared eyes, I tried to take a look at the future. With a galloping heart, I dared to be practical. With tears, I tried to read the zodiac.
And the storm of reality struck me. I realized good times won’t stay always. I see the tornado of problems covering us. Cold breezes of love turn to cruel blows. I realized it was too difficult for me to fight. And ahead of the difficulty, I saw a dark sky. As evil as it could be. As dark as it can get. A sky thundering loud, which made me shiver and hug him once again. With fear in my eyes, I glanced at him and my eyes spoke the tales of love which my lips were too weak to say.
We knew, together we both would survive, together we both were willing to see the end. We both were wiilling to lose, but together. He was meant to be the ray of happiness in my life. The shining star that brought a smile to my face every time I looked at him. But now, he has become the one throwing me into the pool of dragons. The ones waiting to peel off every bit of her skin. The pool of doom is where he leads me.
“No! He can never! He can never hurt me”, my heart battled with my mind. And that was the moment that defined how pure my feelings were.
Were they true enough to let him go? To let me kiss the winds of happiness once again, To let me breathe joy. To let me smile again. Or were they capable only of hugging him tight and seeing us both becoming victims to storms and seeing each other fade away to dust?